Mirror Mirror on the wall....

Let me first apologise for the long silence, but luckily fashion doesn't take a break so during my time away I collected a lot of dirt to share right here with you...let's get to it.

The lack of grooming in this city is absolutely astonishing! Do you own a mirror!!! Its quite simple people, if you can't maintain it, don't get it.

Now I think we all know why this girl is covering up her face...she finally saw her reflection in the camera lenses. Have some sense girl, you cant even go to the corner to buy credit with your hair looking crazy like that. Come now, let's get with the program. Shape up or shave it...

Somebody please explain this half hair done trend to me please. I'm not entirely sure where it started or who started it but I'm sure that person is not a fashion icon today. Its called common sense but I guess it really isn't that common. Ladies, its not that difficult to tell between a good hair do and a bad idea! So much going on with one head. We've got a Mohawk looking middle, some long cornrows by the sides and a really long side bang...yikes!!! Terrible...

The next girl was just plain lazy... I understand undoing really thin braids can be a timely mission but that's why we have hats and scarves, caps and Hood's. Use one!!! even if you are just running to buy some milk or something don't leave the house looking like a hobo. Remember, every time you leave your house you are subjecting the rest of the world to your madness. The world has enough problems as it is, we don't need your hair to add to them...

Our final bad hair day is courtesy of one of my most hated hair styles... This weave makes absolutely no sense to me at all. Its like a cross between an all round spiked head and an Afro. It just goes on and on, and what's even worse is that women of all ages in this beautiful country keep on getting this hair style.. What has the world really come to when after years of witnessing other women make themselves look ridiculous the trend still lives. Maybe seeing other people do it with such passion is adding fuel to the flames..go figure

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How sad is it that after plus two thousand years, women are still finding it difficult to figure out what good hair is. Even Chris Rock realised he had to do something to put an end to the madness. Being a woman myself I know it takes awhile to figure what which styles suit me most but its not impossible. Once you figure it out, stick to it! Well at least until something better comes along. Yes, be adventurous but don't be a fool, if its not good it just isn't. Wash it out...

I wonder what next week will have in store for us, wait and see who's trash is next

Ice Box where your BRAIN used to be

This week Harare has been experiencing some cold weather, which seems to have frozen the brain cells responsible for fashion sense in these style criminals... Lets get straight into it. This week our damsels in distress are proudly sponsored by our fab University of Zimbabwe (please please hold the applause for the end)

I am extremely appalled that women (who aren't even pregnant) still dress like this in 2012. I mean seriously guys, unless you are a junior school going girl and you are forced to wear your track bottoms under your uniform in winter, this look is not on!! You cant even defend this train smash by saying "its leggings and a dress top", NO! Its leggings and a dress! In case you didn't know, there are winter dress tops that you can wear with leggings to stay trendy. But this, and there's even a thin jersey on top. Just awful, its like one of those tragic accidents you see on the road but you just can't look away because somehow it's mesmerising. Ahhhh! Lets get serious ladies...take notes. 

Allow me to whipe that silly grin off of this fashion victims face. But before I do that let me congratulate her for not falling into the trap that the first girl did. She actually managed to find a long sleeved dress top to go with the leggings. Not only that but she insulated and colour co-ordinated...kudos. So I'm sure most (hopefully not all) of you are asking yourselves "so whats wrong with this picture'. Whats wrong with this picture is I have lived in Africa forever and not once in the wild or the zoo have I ever seen a purple leopard! People, leopard print and any animal print as a matter of fact, should ALWAYS be a true reflection of the animal that it represents. (Let me take this opportunity to say that faux fur is better than real fur because no animal has to be slaughtered for it! Stand up against animal cruelty and poaching).  As for the poor animal in this purple print, lets save her too. You're on the right track with co-ordinating but lets work on styling and colours dollface. Don't make us have to 'put you down'. smh

Now here is the moment of truth... Only the best (worst) for last. Drum roll please.......

Words cannot express how disappointed I was when I saw this woman disgracing knit wear. Really, red sun and sunbeams!!? Then on top of that, while I was editing this picture, I realised I could see the outline of her Bermuda triangle!. Ladies listen really carefully....seriously, pay attention. Under no circumstances should anyone EVER be able to see your cookie cutter through jeans.. Denim is not that stretchy so if its too tight, get a bigger size! And length matters; if you plan on wearing jeans with heels, wedges or pumps make sure they are long enough. Unless they are skinny jeans or boyfriend jeans, make sure they are longer than ankle length. Better to fold than look like you robbed a child.

Winter wear can be a hard thing to navigate for the fashion disabled but always go back to basics. Basic blue jeans, basic black boots, basic shirt and a really warm sweater, or a pretty top and smart jacket. Don't get caught out in the cold, you have been warmed,... I mean warned ;)

I wonder what next week will have in store for us, wait and see whose trash is next...

Return of The Wack

Seems like people just refuse to accept that not all the trends from the 80's are making a comeback. You don't get to decide what the world should wear so just give it a rest already!

This week, scouring through the passages of Womens University in Africa (if I don't put "in Africa" I"ll have my head chopped of by its loyal students including the following fashion victims), these fashion backward students decided that lectures and campus parties are a good enough reason to get all dressed up and showcase their "trendiest" gear.

What we have here is a young man dressed in jeans with hundreds of pockets... Where on earth do you buy jeans like these!!!!
On the bright side he did try to colour co-ordinate with the shoes ;)

 We all know how "crae" campus parties can get so I won't even get into the terrible winery exhibited here. What worries me the most is A::surprise surprise, guys with no six packs feel the need to show off boney bodies and worse, in a pair of shinny shorts or maybe they just have the naturally 'wet' look all the time... then there's B:the "she man" (yes that's a woman people, shut your mouths) is wearing what appears to be a salmon coloured "guvu-out" . Um no one is interested in your midriff love, so keep that on LOCK!!!
Ladies if you aren't at the beach or the pool side there is no need to show your tummy in this era...get with the program!!!


Last, but in no means least, we always have the one guy who thinks its okay to dress like grandpa going to a wedding (He also has an accomplice but she wasn't as forth coming with her "style tips".

Now this guy is truly dressed for success...unfortunately success is still 3years away (educationally speaking of course because his outfit would definitely get held back a few decades) . Gotta get the degree first buddy!! I do admire him for taking the initiative and trying something different, but dude, its only lectures.... Okay lets evaluate: briefcase 10 points for appropriateness; as for the hat, a fedora would've been more trendy; loose the bow tie, get a golf shirt and some surfer shorts...Bob's your uncle, instant style.

So you see style is very individual but not all of us seem to understand it. If you ask me our fash-hoe of the week is definitely "sele mama sele", our lady who's top stinks like the rotten fish the colour is inspired by.

Two words: Tank top!!! You can find them everywhere and if you don't just a simple Tee with those shorts would have been better...

I wonder what this week will have in store for us, wait and see whose trash is next xx

Fashion 101

Welcome class to Fashion Trash, in a city where trashy fashion never sleeps.

This blog is dedicated to helping all of those young "because I'm sala" h-town youths who think they are in the fashion know but don't. If you are wondering who that may be you might just be the Fash-hoe I'm talking about ;)

Here in Harare many people think they have a right to leave the house looking like they have got no sense. Do you honestly think all your music and TV stars go about looking like street walkers??? I think not! So switch of that TV and open your closets because the fashion police is here to sort that hot mess out.

Every week I will have the pleasure of pointing out YOUR fashion faux pas, but do not fear I will guide you towards that light at the end of the high fashion tunnel... I shall be visiting  campuses, hangouts and "secret hot spots" to find the worst trash of the week. There will be a top five list posted but only one shall steal the dreaded tittle. For all you fashionistas you can join in the fun and post your comments on who you think is the biggest fash-hoe. Be careful though, it could just be you whose the trash in need of being taken out...no one is safe

Harare watch out, because like my black stilettos – I am black, sharp, attractive and will never go out of style.

Will you?